


To create a perfect world from this cold, imperfect world

by PatternsInTheIvy



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bittersweet, Brief depersonalization (of a sort), Complete, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Little bit of Religious Symbolism, M/M, Not Charles or Erik, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:21:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29834556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PatternsInTheIvy/pseuds/PatternsInTheIvy
Summary: “It would be a burden to be a god,” Charles said, “one that I wouldn’t wish on anyone,” he twisted his hands, visibly trying to reach down and help Erik, but hesitant to touch him. Finally, he settled on kneeling down, his face mere inches away from Erik’s, “and besides, you were right, you know? You’ve always been.”
Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	To create a perfect world from this cold, imperfect world

**_The beginning_ **

Ahead, the barren wasteland was illuminated by a red sun. They stood side by side, hands almost close enough to touch. 

Erik could feel the thrum of metal; it came from all the things that were no more—the scattered foundations of buildings, from the destroyed cars.

(There was more metal—iron, spread out, it covered the ground all around them.)

“It’s so silent,” Charles whispered. Or maybe he thought that—Erik sometimes couldn’t tell the difference anymore—and his tone carried little emotion but the same resignation that seemed to weigh on his shoulders, “it’s serene,” he added, his voice was tired and rough, but it also had a tone of relief that, perhaps paradoxically, bordered on euphoria.

Charles was pale, and the tone of his skin contrasted against the red running from his nose. Erik reached out, intent on wiping the blood, but Charles dodged the touch, taking a few steps back. 

“I’m sorry, Erik,” Charles paused, “but I’m afraid that touching me right now wouldn’t be quite a pleasant sensation. It’s being already difficult to contain everything…”

Comprehension dawned on Erik, but he still strode forward and, before Charles could move away or otherwise stop him, his hands were cupping Charles’s face, and then… pain.

It was unbearable, all-encompassing, and everywhere. It felt like being swallowed whole by an infernal throat and then spat out, charred, unmade by the flames. At the same time, it felt like being crushed under the weight of a thousand suns. There were screams, collective pain, the fear—its presence so oppressive that it made Erik feel small and powerless.

The worst, however, was the feeling of absence. Billions of minds screaming at one second, and then they were gone, in their place just a dark, silent void that felt like the loss of himself—Erik couldn’t tell if he was there, in his body, if he’d ever been there at all, so intense was the feeling of loss and of being gone.

But those feelings were gone almost as suddenly as they were acknowledged. At the same time, they seemed to last for a short eternity.

When Erik came back to himself, he was on the floor, gasping for air. Looking up, he saw Charles—the angle made it look like he towered over Erik, even though his posture was the complete opposite—who stared down at him with horror and regret, eyes bright with something that Erik couldn’t even name.

After what he’d just experienced, Erik could understand why Charles seemed to be almost awestruck by the calm and silence. If what he’d seen, heard, felt almost  _ consumed by _ was but a memory, the backslash of the real thing, he couldn’t fathom what it had felt for Charles, just minutes ago. Once again, he was dazzled by the power that the telepath carried,  _ contained _ within himself. It wasn’t a surprise, no, Erik was very aware that power had been one of the things that had made him feel drawn to Charles, to begin with, but this right now was just much more intense. 

Erik had always felt like a god among men, but now he understood that his own gift made him but a vessel to someone else—to a being who truly could deal with all the facets related to power, who wouldn’t be reduced to smithereens under its pressure. In face of that, Erik felt like little more than a rebel angel, trying to surpass someone who knew better… 

“It would be a burden to be a god,” Charles said, “one that I wouldn’t wish on anyone,” he twisted his hands, visibly trying to reach down and help Erik, but hesitant to touch him. Finally, he settled on kneeling down, his face mere inches away from Erik’s, “and besides, you were right, you know? You’ve always been.”

The fact that Charles had been listening in went unsaid. Erik didn’t mind the lack of privacy, not anymore. He averted his eyes, staring ahead. This was the most beautiful sunrise that he remembered ever seeing.

They stayed like that for long minutes, and Erik couldn’t help but let his mind wander to all the plans he’d made before—they had a world to rebuild, according to their image. After some time, he felt a gentle pressure on his shoulder, and then Charles’s hair tickling his chin. But there was no pain this time.

“She—they—would have approved,” Charles said, relaxing against Erik. 

Erik nodded, the movement making his chin brush against Charles’s head. The contact was comforting, grounding, a proof that they had been the ones to survive. He thought of Raven, rebellious, paradoxically so insecure and determined… he thought of her broken body—red on blue, yellow eyes desperate and pleading—and felt Charles stiffen against him minutely. Erik thought of Hank, Alex, Darwin, Angel, Sean… 

It felt like an icy claw was tearing at him, and Erik was sure that not all of that came from him, no, the sorrow was doubled, part of it projected by Charles. 

“I am sorry,” Charles said, voice strained. After a few seconds, the atmosphere of grief subdued. 

They remained there, side by side, aware of the steps that needed to be taken toward a new future—one that they would build together. It was what Erik had always desired. 

But not like this. Never like this.

**Author's Note:**

> idk, I feel like this is a bit vague, but at the same time, I feel like this is exactly how it should be... let me know what you think :)
> 
> Title comes from the song _Light of Day, Day of Darkness_ by Green Carnation.


End file.
